Back to Cards
Merry Whatever
Tap to open

Inside the card

“Eat the cookies. Avoid the relatives. Survive.”

— PissedMark

Tap to close
Christmas

Merry Whatever

For the holiday-neutral and chronically over it.

$7
1

The Fine Print

  • Printed on premium matte cardstock with envelope.
  • Ships in 2–4 business days. Faster if we're in a mood.
  • No regrets, no refunds on truth.

You'll probably also offend with…

Happy Birthday, You Old Prick
Birthday

Happy Birthday, You Old Prick

Because 'many happy returns' doesn't really hit the same.

$7
View
Another Year Closer to Death
Birthday

Another Year Closer to Death

Celebrate the inevitable in style.

$7
View
Somehow Still Tolerating You
Anniversary

Somehow Still Tolerating You

Love is patience. And selective hearing.

$7
View
You're Stuck With Me
Valentine's Day

You're Stuck With Me

Romance with a hostage-energy undertone.

$7
View